Pack
by Kneazlekit
Summary: “Normal humans, without the pressure of the wolf on their minds and in their blood, didn’t think in the same terms—not that werewolves were limited to just wolf-like terms.” Oneshot. Remus-centric. Remus/Tonks.


Title: **Pack**

Genre: Harry Potter, Marauder-based

Rating: PG14

Main Character: Remus

Pairings: Remus/Tonks, hinted Remus/Sirius

Summary: "Normal humans, without the pressure of the wolf on their minds and in their blood, didn't think in the same terms—not that werewolves were limited to just wolf-like terms." Oneshot. Remus-centric. Remus/Tonks.

--

Some people found it disconcerting how werewolves tended to speak about others. Of course, most people found werewolves disconcerting no matter if they spoke or not.

Remus admitted that he didn't voice his thoughts without translation.

Normal humans, without the pressure of the wolf on their minds and in their blood, didn't think in the same terms—not that werewolves were limited to just wolf-like terms.

It had helped that Sirius understood—or at least he did after finishing his Animagus transformation. Ever since then, Sirius voiced his thoughts in terms that made the wolf in Remus sigh in relief.

James hadn't understood, but he didn't need to. He was Alpha. He always had been. Even when everything had been James-and-Sirius—joined at the hip—James had still been the one to lead.

But it didn't help the wolf that James changed into a prey animal. It confused Moony when Prongs stood as Alpha over them and forced the wolf to follow _his_ rules.

Padfoot was easier for the wolf to understand. While human, Remus placed himself under Sirius, who stood Beta to James's Alpha, but as Moony, the wolf was constantly fighting for leadership from the stag, putting Padfoot below Moony in the rules of Pack.

Peter was even simpler. Peter followed James, but seemed to always get the last pickings, somehow managing to be Omega, a partial outcast almost, in a group of four. Remus stayed with Peter when James and Sirius left to do their Joined At The Hip thing. But as Moony, Wormtail was worth nothing. He was a lump of fur, a non-prey-prey (like Prongs) but not enough to be interesting. Moony rarely even acknowledged the rat was there at all.

It was all very confusing, Remus was sure, to normal humans, but it made perfect sense to him.

--

When Lily entered the equation, she was naturally the female Alpha to James's male Alpha. She, while never able to come along during the moon-lit romps in the Forest, fit right into the group as naturally as possible.

Still, the pack dynamic changed because of her.

No longer was everything James-and-Sirius. It was James-and-Lily and Sirius, but mostly just James-and-Lily. Sirius eventually fell back to wait with the other two when James left with Lily.

Sirius needed entertainment, he needed someone to joke and prank with. Remus ended up filling this position. Peter was too busy trying to forget that James wasn't his All-Powerful Great Leader anymore—the forgetting part usually including various girls and much snogging.

So now things were James-and-Lily, Sirius-and-Remus, and then Peter.

On Moony's end, things were generally still the same, though Padfoot was more apt to be up for a playful canine romp with the wolf then a play-chase with Prongs.

The Pack was strong, and Remus couldn't help but feel safe knowing they were with him.

--

Harry was everything to them. He was the future, he was their hope, he was their cub.

As the Alpha pair, James and Lily had done their duty (in the wolf-sense of things anyway) and provided new life for the Pack.

Remus would never marry. He couldn't risk such a thing.

Sirius would never marry either. He wasn't a person who could do such a thing.

Peter had been nearly forgotten in the excitement, but he wasn't going to marry anytime soon, if the girl he was seeing was any consolation of that.

So, James and Lily's son had four fathers in a way.

He was Pack.

--

The War destroyed his Pack.

First it ripped Sirius from him, choking him with doubt of his once best friend.

Remus hoped that Sirius had waited until they weren't friends anymore until he became a Death Eater. He didn't think he could take it if Sirius had always been on the other side and everything had been a lie.

Then the War set Sirius loose on James and Lily. They died in the most honorable way—in the wolf's mind—protecting their cub from harm.

Peter died honorably as well, something Remus had never really expected of him (Who was he kidding? He had never expected ANY of this). Peter died in revenge of the Pack.

But…Sirius… Sirius had completely destroyed the Pack.

Moony knew this to be the worst of betrayal. Remus tried everything to understand, but in the end, surrendered to the wolf's howl of complete soul-devastating agony.

--

By the time Remus came to his senses, he had nearly forgotten.

The Pack wasn't gone. There was Harry.

Moony was soothed only minutely, but it was enough to get on with his life.

--

Remus couldn't do this again. He couldn't make another Pack. He couldn't allow himself to be so broken again.

So, in the end, he didn't argue with Dumbledore's decision to give Harry to his Aunt's family.

It was better this way, he told himself. This way, the last of his Pack was safe, and Remus was safe from being hurt again.

--

The life Remus lived was barely able to be called life at all.

One miserable job to the next—fired as soon as they figured it out.

Each full moon, Moony tore his sorrow out of him in strips.

He had more scars then ever, and it was getting harder and harder to hide them. People noticed vanishing charms. It blurred the skin and was completely useless on the face where it was entirely too obvious when you used one.

So when he managed to slash two long jagged strips out of his face, he knew that jobs would be even far less eager to hire him and even more eager to get rid of him.

He continued to drift from place to place, job to job. Sometimes he had a place to sleep, sometimes not. Dumbledore let him use the Shack when he couldn't find a suitable place for a moon, but otherwise Remus didn't keep in contact with anyone from his past.

Not that he didn't make friends—but they were more acquaintances who were friendly then _friends_ in any sense of the word. He often disappeared, and they learned not to question because he never shared his secrets anymore.

Sometimes he went to the werewolf reservations, just to do something—anything to get away from his memories.

The people there were understanding about his lack of job, but most were young and had never lost Pack the way he had. They sensed his misery, but he kept his walls up and no one ever got past them.

Sometimes he would talk with other people, people he met randomly while teaching or doing other odd jobs, people who had lost others during the War. Some had come close to the complete lost that he had suffered. They would sit silently together and drink themselves in the pale hope of never having to remember again.

It never worked and Remus always kept his walls in place.

He didn't trust anymore, he wasn't playful or mischievous. That part of him had died with his Pack.

--

Dumbledore offered him a job. He knew the position was cursed, but it wasn't like he wasn't used to giving up a job after a short time. Matter of fact, a whole year was a long time to have a job for him. Most only lasted until the second moon, third at best.

He would be paid well, be fed well, be safe for a time.

The catch was that Harry would be there.

--

Remus had thought things would be fine.

But when the Dementors came looking for Black (Remus couldn't bear to call him anything else), the urge to protect the last of his Pack was so very strong…

He chased off the Dementors, his Patronus stronger then it had been in years. He comforted Harry and Harry's Pack (he couldn't help but think of them as such), protecting them in the ways he knew how and securing in the connection that had nearly waned to nothing over the years.

Remus didn't know if he would ever forgive himself for letting this connection grow stronger.

It wasn't safe.

…But he couldn't help but trust Harry, help Harry, protect Harry. Moony claimed Harry as his responsibility, as the last of the Pack left to guard their pup.

--

What little that was left of the Pack was in danger from the one who destroyed the Pack in the first place.

Remus would protect the Pack better this time, he vowed. It was for more then just the Pack that Harry needed to live.

Still, he couldn't bring himself to demolish what little trust he still held in the world. He couldn't bring himself to tell Dumbledore about the Animagi transformations.

Remus knew he was too broken to let the last person who trusted him know that his trust was misplaced. He wouldn't be able to survive the disappointment of the last person he still looked up to.

He convinced himself that it was through the Dark Arts that Black could get into the castle.

--

Then suddenly, Sirius was back. The Pack counted three, instead of two.

Remus was always quick to forgive and forget, but Moony wasn't. It wasn't easy at times when sudden unexplained fury would rise in him and if he didn't control himself, he would attack Sirius with an animalistic rage.

When the moon came and Padfoot was there—Moony was cautious and distrustful. He didn't attack the dog, but he didn't play either. Padfoot was careful and as apologetic as one could be as a huge black dog.

Eventually Padfoot rolled on his belly and explained in more basic canine terms what had needed a Map and a night in the Shack to explain in human terms.

Everything ran soother after that. Moony nipped his throat playful, acknowledging and accepting the explanation. They romped and play-fought throughout the night.

Remus awoke to a lighthearted feeling and the least bruises and cuts he had ever had since the first night that Moony was introduced to the Animagi.

Padfoot was curled up with him, and Harry was safe with the Dursleys for the summer. The Pack was still broken, but it was more whole then it had been for years, and Remus couldn't help but feel a cautious joy beat in his heart.

--

Sirius wasn't perfect. He was broken now. Remus cared for his Packmate, nursing him back to a more stable mental state.

With Sirius, Remus's heart was more open. He was more trusting of others, more likely to smile, to laugh. The feeling made his head spin with joy at times. It made the awful absence of the rest of the Pack easier to forget.

--

It seemed like barely a blink and Sirius was gone again.

His heart was torn open and he couldn't help but give into the comfort given to him. Tonks was gentle and kind, she knew what he was, but loved him anyway.

He couldn't let himself reciprocate that love. It was too dangerous. It meant she was in danger from him. He told himself that it was better for her if he let the crush die.

He didn't allow himself to think about the other reasons. That she would be able to hurt him like he had thought Sirius had hurt him once. That she could die too and he wouldn't be able to live even the barest idea of life.

But he didn't think about any of this when he needed that comfort.

He didn't think about not loving her, or how she could die the same as Sirius.

He didn't think about the danger or the risks.

And in the end, he risked everything to love her.

--

Remus had told himself he wouldn't do this. He had told himself she was too young, he was too old. He was a werewolf, and she was in danger.

But now that he had let the feeling out, he couldn't help but love her.

He couldn't help but watch as she stirred her tea, gazing out the window, her mind far away—then laugh when the tea when flying with a clumsy jerk of the spoon.

He couldn't help but study the way no matter the color of her hair, or the shape of her face, the sun would catch in the curves and geometry of her body and dazzle him into a warm smile.

He couldn't help but feel the fire that burned under his skin at every careless touch—every time he stopped her from falling, every time she patted his shoulder assuringly, every accidental brush of fingers when passing plates or doing mindless chores.

When the full moon came, Moony howled for his mate.

And when it was over, she dressed his wounds with the same clumsy gentleness that was purely _her_.

--

All logic finally failed him, every argument he could think of was brushed aside with a wave of her hand. All that was felt was the rush of emotions that lay just below his skin.

It was too soon after the full moon for him to have perfect control over his urges, and it was all too soon, he had his mouth on hers. Claiming her lips and tangling his fingers in her short pink hair.

The emotion he felt was too much and when tears rolled down his face, she kissed them away with such understanding that he loved her all the more.

--

The marriage was quiet and quick.

It was repetitive to the wolf. They were already Pack, of course he would protect and guard her always. Of course he would love her always. He didn't think the feeling in his heart would ever allow him to do anything but that.

Her Pack was his Pack and he didn't mind that fear of betrayal that rose up in him, as long as she was there to kiss it away.

--

He was Alpha now. It was only natural that the Alpha pair provides the Pack with new life. It was for the good of the Pack to have pups.

Of course, that didn't stop his worries, or his fears.

What if the child was a werewolf? It would completely his fault and he would never forgive himself.

What if the child would be subject to the same prejudice, which Remus had always struggled with, just because his father was a werewolf?

What if they lost this War and the child grew up into a world of darkness and fear? Would the child ever know love or kindness?

What if the child came out malformed? Werewolf blood only rarely mixed with human blood and maybe there was a reason for that.

What if the child didn't love him? This thought sent a shiver down his spine, but he knew it happened sometimes.

What if Tonks died in childbirth? He couldn't bear to lose anyone else, Pack or not.

What if the child died? He shuddered uncontrollably at the mere idea. His Pack, his pup, his blood, his bone, dead—he couldn't bear the thought that the tiny new life would ever be snuffed out.

Eventually he couldn't handle it. Surely anyone but he was a better choice as a father.

He ran away, but he told himself it was necessary.

--

Harry was more like James then he would ever know. He was a true Alpha. Taking care of his Pack by any way possible, even by sharp words aimed to hurt and shock.

Remus had barely controlled himself, but in the end, he knew Harry was justified.

So Remus went back to his mate with his tail between his legs.

--

Eventually Remus took the lesson in the meaning behind Harry's words to heart. Instead of abandoning his Pack, he helped the War effort in less dangerous ways so that he could be close to his mate and to-be-pup.

Then suddenly the pup wasn't 'to-be' anymore.

Something lit up in Remus's head when a tiny fist curled around his finger and gurgled.

The world was brighter and it was easier to forget the past when he held that tiny bundle in his arms.

--

Remus laughed when they realized that Teddy was a metamorphmagus like his mother but not a werewolf. Tonks joined in with a soft chuckle to counterpoint Remus's near hysterical laugh.

Laughter gave away to tears. He sobbed in relief and Tonks held him tightly, protecting him when he torn open and vulnerable as he is at this moment.

--

Childcare was tiring, but well worth it for Teddy's small smiles.

But Remus missed the rest of his Pack, the wolf in him demanded that child-raising be a group effort.

He missed James's surprising adaptivity when it came to kids. He missed Sirius bright grins and playful gentleness when met with tiny hands. He even missed that bloody traitor's small smiles and cautious nature as if the child was going to catch fire any moment.

Remus tried to ignore the nagging feelings, but sometimes the hollowness would still overwhelm him.

--

Battle called and he answered.

He answered the primal call to protect his Pack and what they stood for.

The wolf inside him raged to battle, wanting to help by tearing the offending enemies to tiny pieces. No one was allowed to threaten his Pack.

Tonks answered the call too. It was ingrained in her bones to fight as much as it was in his blood. He didn't blame her. It was the job of the Alpha pair to take care of the rest of the Pack together.

In a way, it was poetic that they fell together as well.

Dying to protect their future, their hopes, their love, and their Pack.

There was no greater honor.


End file.
